Tony Luebbermann


Six Recipes for Extraordinary Degreeing
In an Insane World

Have Tall John sit in the chair,
use a Spiffy to stiffen John,
remove the chair.
Burn it.

Undo the Spiffy and prop
Tall John upside down.
Take the chapter of the chair's ashes
And sprinkle on John.

Now the chair ashes are
seated on John. This completes
animate and inanimate
role reversal.

Have Sally sit in the rocking
chair and rock.

Substitute pebbles for the rock,
And have Sally put the rock
In her pock-
et and continue,

pebbling chair and pocket-rock.

Take a dead goldfish and
add a full glass of water.
Set the glass aside.

Wrap the water and fish
in a towel and place in a
Warring blender.

Stop the war, putting the
Ring in the glass and blend
towel, water, and dead
fish to a fine powder.

Bury this mixture of
damp towel and fish in good soil
with a small sunflower seed.

When the seed sprouts
you have successfully
toweled a flower
from fish.

Drink the ring and clapper.

Try this:
remove your old blue trousers
allowing one leg to turn inside-
out so that you have one long
leg 'tube', one right-side-out
and one not.

Take a small flashlight and
roll it up inside the inside-out leg.

Stuff the rolled inside-out leg
with flashlight into the left pocket
of the right-side-out leg.

Turn on the flashlight lighting
the inside of the rolled inside-out
leg stuck in the left pocket
of the right-side-out leg.

Holding on to the cuff of
the right-side-out leg
swing this around your head
in a dark room.

You have successfully duplicated
the circumference.

Open a yellow silk purse.
Remove all contents (coins,
movie ticket to "To Catch a Thief",
broken lipstick).
Hold the open purse
close to your mouth
and take a deep breath.
Yell, "Pig's ear!" into the purse.
Close quickly and put away.

Take one medium-sized
goose down pillow.
Add one pinch of
of sleeplessness
and two gallons of
sharp's frustration.
Bake in dark room
until pillow is rock hard but cool.

Holding your tongue
between your forefinger
and your thumb,
write, "I'm sorry"
on your sleeplessness.